Loose Yourself
by AllThePrettyColors
Summary: "Honk, motherfucker."Gamzee walked through the misty forest,careful to keep hidden in the dark shadows of the night. Karkat gave a deep sigh as he walked from his moniter and gave up, going to look for Gamzee. Fresh blood dripped from Gamzees finger tips."Never tell me something I don't wanna hear, motherfucker."He growled at the lifeless body that was once known as Equius Zahhak.
1. Chapter 1

**So this is basically a roleplay between myself and my new friend. Hope you liek (OwO) **

**We do not own homestuck or any of the characters, that belongs to Andrew Hussie. We do, however, own this storyline. **

**:3 **

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"Honk, motherfucker."

Gamzee walked through the misty forest, careful to keep hidden in the dark shadows of the night.

Karkat gave a deep sigh as he walked from his moniter and gave up, to look for where Gamzee was

Fresh blood dripped from Gamzees finger tips.

"Never tell me something I don't wanna hear, mother fucker." He growled at the lifeless body that was once known as Equius Zahhak.

Karkat made his way to an eerie dark forest. He gave a cold huff into the air. Then shuddered thinking of all the possiblities where Gamzee could possibly be or doing. He pulls himself together and trudges through strange undergrowth into the forest.

Gamzee fell to his feet, leaning over the body. He pulled his shaky hands to Equius' neck. Squeezing tighter, pulling upwards until more blood was dripping. A dark smile spread on Gamzees painted lips.

Through a thick fog, Karkat heard a slight thud in the distance. He quickly glanced over there. And after a minute or so he hesitantly made his way over to the source of the sound.

Karkat tried to quiet his raspy breaths as he was getting closer.

Gently skimming his hands along the bark of trees, hoping not to lose balance and fall when he sees whatever lies ahead

Gamzee stood, pulling out a small horn; he heard a noise in the distance. He slowly walked foreword, disappearing into the fog. He squeezed the ball of the horn, making it honk.

"Come on motherfucker...I hear you, BROTHER." He yelled.

Gamzee walks farther out, giving whatever the noise was a chance to come out and reveal itself. Another dark smile spread across his face when he saw a dark shadow on the ground from behind the tree.

Karkat clenched his fist and sighed. He then though to himself; What kind of leader would I be if I let Gamzee go like this..Karkat bit his lip, and stepped forward from the tree

Gamzee let out a small chuckle and started singing dark lyrics in a familiar tune.

"Death will come for you, let me fucking help you. Your blood will be my advantage over you."

His voice rasped out another laugh.

He suddenly froze, staring into the darkness that surrounded the two.

"Karkat," He rasped out.

He took a step foreword, placing his bloody hands on his neck.

"Let me paint the walls with your blood."

Karkat jolts in astonishment feeling the blood-soaked hand tighten around his neck. "Gamzee.." Karkat barely forced out of his throat. "What.. the hell happened?" Karkat says grimly.

Gamzee smiled at his struggle and leaned in so close their noses were almost touching.

"I motherfucking realized, BRO." He yelled, putting emphasis on bro.

"I know now." He growled. He slammed a terrified Karkat into the tree, pressing their bodies together, getting Karkat soaked in blood.

"Welcome to the Dark Carnival, brother. We're opened for business."

Karkat gasps for a breath, then looks down to the blood beneath him.

Karkat pulls his gaze up, back to Gamzee. His eyes are filled with worry.

"Gamzee-.. tell me. What the hell happened. You fucking went crazy or something. And.. is this... their blood?" He speaks with a faint fake hope in his voice he says no.

"My friends blood..? OUR friends blood?"

Gamzee brings his hand to the side of Karkats burning face.

Gamzee hears a small voice in his head; the same voice telling him to do this.

He tries to fight back, he really does.

Shut up!

He thinks to himself.

Karkat pulls his head up a bit more, looking hopefully into Gamzees eyes. Hoping for a spark of the old Gamzee, deep inside and far away from this hostile version. Gamzee leans in closer.

"It's all for motherfucking YOU, Karkat!" He yells.

Gamzee pulls Karkat away from the tree, dragging him along with him.

Karkat struggles a bit and flashes of horrible images of what Gamzee could possibly do to him like this. Karkat puts his hands around his collar to keep himself from choking.

Gamzee's head is burning with pain.

No! He doesn't want to mother fucking do this!

He argues with the voice in his head.

_~This is for us, Gamzee~_

Shut up! There is no us!

_~Kill him Gamzee. It would just be so easy to take his worthless life~_

I love Karkat...He-He's my moirail.

_~You want to paint the walls with his blood~ _

Finally releasing his grip on Karkat, Gamzee falls to the ground, gripping at his head, pulling his knotted hair.

"GET OUT OF MY HEAD!" He screams. Tears streaked Gamzees' bloody face.

"Gamzee!" Karkat calls out and jumps to aid his moirails side. Karkat looks at Gamzee in horror for a minute not sure what to do.

Not completely sure whether it was some mental dominance over Gamzees head, Karkat pins down his arms to keep from hurting himself.

"GAMZEE!" Karkat yells at first, then whispers again, seeing his moirail lose his innocent self he was before.

"They will motherfucking KILL me, Karkat!"

Gamzee struggles, trying to get out of Karkats tight hold, but fails.

A lightly red tinted tear falls from Karkat to Gamzee, but Karkat just grippens his hold to Gamzees shoulders. "Pull it together!" Karkat pleas to Gamzee.

Gamzee struggles more, finally getting out of Karkats grip.

Gamzee curls into himself, screaming in compete utter terror.

"They won't go away Kar!" He sobs.

"I am NOT a monster!"

Gamzee sobs louder, clawing at his skin, shaking in pain.

"GAMZEE!" Karkat cries out again as he stumbles back when Gamzee got out of his hands. Karkat crawls towards Gamzee again and begins profusely shaking his shoulder.

Gamzee looks to Karkat, his lips curving into a small smile.

"Gamzee.. Please.." He wisps.

"You're my moirail. Please dont lose it infront of me.."

Karkat jumps up and takes a small step back from Gamzee.

"I wouldnt be able to take that ontop of all this. You're all I could claim to, to keep a certain sanity being it myself well. But you cant just.. Let this happen, Gamzee.."

Gamzees' smile fades.

"K-Kar...Don't..stop. Don't leave me.." Gamzee slowly lifts his hand, reaching for Karkat.

"I wont ever leave you, Gamzee. Just please. Dont lose yourself.." Gamzee shuts his eyes as his dark memories flash back to him.

"Gamzee.. Remember. All those stupid times when-.. Things would be normal, and you'd go and have Faygo and offer me some pie, and I'd-.. say no and call you a dumbass and all of that.. When everything was normal?" Karkat says almost silently through sobs.

Gamzee finally pulls his eyes open to look at the silhouette of his moirail. He finally nods.

Karkat gives a small smile at the recognition of his moirails old self.

"Are you alright now.. Gamzee?"

Gamzee again reaches for Karkat, not really answering the question, but quietly saying his moirails name.

"Karkat?" He asks.

Sad eyes trail down to Gamzee. He presses his hand to the side of his face and begins to gently Shh him.

Once he is within reaching, Gamzee pulls Karkat into his arms, quietly sobbing.

Karkat welcomes Gamzee and grasps him, gently clenching his shirt.


	2. Chapter 2

**So, Im back! Sorry it took us so long to do this part, but my friend lost Internet for a bit. **

**Bluh. So. Nothing too much happens in this part..but we're already working on the next part and I hope that we get shit done! **

**We do not own homestuck, or the characters. That belongs to Andrew Hussie. This storyline, however, belongs to us.**

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Gamzee tore his eyes open to see he was still surrounded by darkness. He was on one of those strange human beds. His heart was pounding. He jerked his body up, burying his face into his hands. Tears fell from his eyes as the horrible memories of his mothers death flashed back to him.

Theres a click of a door and shuffling, signaling someone was coming inside. Light sped in from the hallway, illuminating the silhouette of Karkat with a bottle in his hand. He manages to only make a few honks, stepping on Gamzees horns scattered by his horn pile.

Karkat crouches beside Gamzees new bed and whispers, "Hey Gam, you awake?"

"Of corse you are."

Karkat props himself up next to the troll and hugs him awkwardly.

"Its going to be fine. I promise."

Gamzee stays still, not moving an inch, trying to silence his cries.

"They were killed." He finally rasped out.

Letting go of Gamzee, Karkat barely mutters a curse under his breath, then gestures out a plastic bottle of Faygo to Gamzee. "Its going to be fine. Like old times."

"We wont have to worry about anything" Karkat says, seeking out a bit of trust from Gamzee.

Gamzee shakes his head.

"Karkat. It will never be the same."

Suddenly, rage fills Gamzees' body.

"Don't you see!? I killed Equius!"

Gamzee clenches his hands into fists. An overwhelming amount of emotions rushed over Gamzees body.

How were they supposed to tell anyone?

Hey guys! Well, Equius is dead. I killed him!

Gamzee shook his head again, sighing.

"It will never be the same."

After ignoring Gamzees outburst, Karkat looks down to the bottle in his hands and looks at the tint of the palm of his hands through the colored Faygo.

Karkat observes the dried soda-consisted knots in Gamzees messy hair and makes a small smile.

"Damn. You need to clean your hair sometime."

Gamzee feels his mood lighten a little. He nods and smiles.

Gamzee looks to Karkat, feeling the heavy weight of guilt settle down on his shoulders.

Continuously looking at the Faygo in his hands, after a minute, Karkat holds the bottle upright and slowly turns the cap.

Tearing off the last prong-like thing keeping the cap on, he then raised the bottle to his lips and took a sip.

Shuddering for a minute, and then takes another sip. Then gestures the opened bottle to Gamzee.

"That shit tastes weird." He blandly remarks.

Soft, indigo eyes look to Karkats hand wrapped around the bottle. Gamzee looks back to Karkat. Gamzee brings his hand to the bottle, brushing over Karkats hand in the process.

Karkat glanced around at the dim lit room. Primarily at the horns and empty Faygo bottles scattered around the floor.

Gamzee takes a sip of the faygo, smiling at Karkats awkward glancing around. Gamzee firmly sets the faygo on the table. He presses his body to Karkats, hugging him tightly.

"Thank you, Karkat." He whispers.

Taken aback for a minute, Karkat glides his arms around to Gamzees back and comforted his moirail.

"I all up n motherfuckin really messed up this time, bro."

"Its fine. You're alright now, thats what matters." Karkat murmured

"What are we goin to motherfucking tell the others?"

"We wont think about that, for now. But just keep your head held high, and make sure they know its going to be alright." Karkat says that, sounding like he was only reassuring himself.

Gamzee sighed, soon falling into a deep, painful sleep.

Still in his arms, after a while, Karkat gently lays him back down, and can only wish him to the best of dreams.

Karkat flit open his eye lids and stirred for a moment, then turned his head to his right.

There Gamzee lay, undisturbed by Karkat waking.

Letting his eyes stray, around Gamzee. How he can be so peacefully kept still like this, when at this point all he can see is Gamzee, some crazy, big idiot. Karkat then pulls a small grin thinking, about how it was before all of this.

Karkat begins to note small features of Gamzee he'd never really thought much of before.

Karkat had a good view to notice all these little things about him. Looking at the shape of his face and curvature of his cheeks.

Karkat shakes his head and thinks, Goddamn that is creepy. I cant just stare at Gamzee sleeping like this..

Though, it'd be kind of nice to know more things like this about him. Karkat then turned his back to face Gamzee. Karkat notices that his face is a bit paler than his. I guess he'd never really noticed it before because his marks were kind of distracting.

As he watches Gamzee, he feels a small tension build up in him. He thinks to himself; Well I'm not gonna fucking break a damn sweat, and ask for a damn towel..

Karkat looks back to Gamzee and a small smile forms. Yet suddenly he becomes hot in embarassment.

Gamzee stirs in his sleep, the dark dream fading as he began to wake up. Rolling on his back, he opens his still slightly puffy, red eyes. He lets his eyes wonder to the figure sitting next to his once limp body.

"Morning Karbro." He still sleepily says.

He let his grey hand fall onto Karkats. Karkat gave himself a steady breath, and tried to make Gam think he was still asleep. Just to spare himself from any embarassment. He didnt want to be caught red.

Gamzee gave a small smile, letting Karkat win.

"Alright bro," He whispered.

"Im all up n asleep."

Before closing his eyes again, Gamzee drank in the sight of his nervous, slightly blushing Moirail.

Without even thinking, Gamzee found himself quickly leaning in, towards the tense Karkat.

Karkat gets taken by surprise for a moment and finds himself dying in the horrible silence of embarassment. But after a moment, he grasps Gamzees hand tighter.

Gamzee gave him a quick peck on the lips before falling back on the bed to be swept into a another deep sleep. Hopefully this time his dreams would be filled with mirth and those soft lips he had just kissed.

Karkat felt himself barely hyperventalating, his breath skimming the lips Gamzee had just barely joined with his. Yet still found himself a moment later turning himself over to Gamzee and embracing the fact their hands were conjoined.

The still awake Gamzee gave his hand a slight squeeze. Karkat pulls himself yet even closer to Gamzee, and begins to get drowsy.

"Bro.." Gamzee finds himself whispering. He opens it eyes, looking for some sort of emotion in Karkats face, other than nervous.

Without thinking first, Karkat replies "Hm..?"

"I all up n have the wicked munchies.."

With a confused look, Karkat says "What the hell..?"

Gamzee stands. In one, swift motion he pulls Karkat into his arms, hugging him tightly.

"Let go out motherfucker."

The usual, lazy smile reappears on Gamzees face as he pulls Karkat out the door.

"Man, we can all up n meet our other wicked motherfuckin best bro too!"

Gamzee's smile continues to widen as he says the trolls name.

"Tavros!"

" Oh, alright. Are we getting food first?" Karkat inquiries.

"Fuck yeah!"

Karkat smiles "Alright"

"But first bro," Gamzee starts, a serious expression taking over his face.

Karkat turns to Gamzee. And gives a straight face. "Hm?"

Gamzee turns to his Moirail, sweeping him in for a sweet kiss.

Turning red once again, Karkat just barely whispers afterwards, "Gam- what in the ever loving fuck was that.. it was..-

"Just wanted to all up n thank a bro."

Gamzee smiles, happily running out the door.

Karkat stood still, astonished by what had just happened. "Well, you didnt have to thank me, but" Karkat pulls a finger to his own lips and looks to the ground and realizes. "that was really great.."


End file.
